Thanks Bill. It is sometimes difficult to write in a 'foreign' voice without descending into parody. I also liked your story as I found the character truly believable. There was just enough of him shown to 'see' him, but not so much as to clutter the story. After all, all of us show different faces to different people and they are often unaware of our back story.
Posted 8 years ago on Ode to Billie Joe
I keep telling myself I...
HI ShirleyThanks for this. On first read It made me smile. On the re-read there are lots of things to like:Great attention grabbing first lineNice use of dialogue to both move the story and to flesh out the characters.Funny (and clever) self-referential commentsGood strong ending.Re your earlier point about editing down, I think you have done a great job whilst not losing the story or the protagonist. IMO you might even take another cut or two and lose nothing - the line about Freddie zipping his jacket?Liked it a lot :-)
Posted 8 years ago on When Freddie said he'd found a portal to another...
Nice work Trevor! All the elements of a longer story in under 150. Any thoughts about a snappy title to set it off?
Posted 8 years ago on Blood everywhere.
Cascading down the walls in a...
I wrote this after thinking about songs and their stories. This song always best illustrated for me the writers maxim that the reader does not need to be told everything. So even when the story continues, this remains true. I would particularly value any comments on the character's voice as I am not an American, although I have visited the South often. Does this count for 'The Blues'?