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Jamie Thomas, 20 Jul '12

To a filthy Jezebel I once called my wife,
                        I am struggling to write this letter because I am so furious with you. Why the hell did you do what you did?! Look! You made me write a curse word! A damned curse word! That is how mad you make me feel. I am literally so so angry. Why the hell did you do it? Why did you do it to us, why?! It is too late now anyway, far too late to amend, far to late to right this wrong and undo the most sinful of sins! You snake! You are a lady of the night, and you are a hussy, and you are the worst of the worst.
        I need to gather my thoughts and stop scrawling on this piece of paper, but you need to hear this. If I don't write it down, if I have to tell you what I feel... If I have to face your stupid Jezebel face, then I will squeeze your neck until your eyes pop out. Hell, I'll end up clawing them out! I'm rambling again, but you need to hear this rambling. This is my way of telling you how I feel without sending you into the ground, back into hell where you belong.
        You would probably say something like "You are only asserting your authority" or "This is the logical reaction to trauma in a relationship" and say your usual "A couple more sessions with the Reverend will sort this all out" instead of apologising for your sins like you should. Well guess what? Your psychology degree means nothing any more! You can't use it to psychologically damage me, rationalising your actions and your sinning. You just don't stop sinning and sinning and sinning. It makes me so angry.
        You know I loved you, don't you. I loved you before all this. I might even still love you now. That is why I'm writing this letter instead of doing what I said I would do earlier in the letter. I don't want to repeat it. I feel like I'm coming down to your level. I did love you, and I thought you loved me back. Even when you said "I do", and when you smiled when I said it. I thought you loved me. but you clearly see me as just another feeble lamb to sacrifice to murder with your game of emotions.
        You knew it was wrong, what you and him were doing. You knew it was wrong in the eyes of God, let alone in the eyes of me and the other people in your life. It is one of the commandments for goodness sake, and as the reverend says, it is one of the more important ones. But you still sullied our marriage. You sullied our relationship and you cut me to pieces. I want to kill you. I really really do. But I know I can't. I won't be able to bring myself to do it.
        I can feel the fires of Satan's temptation burning through me, and it makes me think of the bible. Maybe you are really the Whore of Babylon. Maybe you were sent into this world to tempt men and then birth the Beast into the world. You must be some sort of demon or consort of Satan for you to inflict such emotional pain and suffering in one man. I'm still ranting, and I feel like raking my hands across my chest to rip out the tenderness that beats in my heart. I feel feral, you have made a beast out of me. You have infuriated me and turned me into some unholy beast with blood under my finger nails. I must ring the reverend.
        Or perhaps I shouldn't ring the reverend. You could be home at any minute. If you walk in on me, holding this note and your phone, open on all those countless filthy adulterous and horrifically sinful texts, then I will kill you. I will become the Beast I spend my life hiding from. The Beast that you are. I need to leave this house. I need to leave this home that you have desecrated with deceit and sin and fellatio and devil worship. I feel it has a hold on me. You have tainted it somehow, you have driven it mad, made it grasp at it's hair and yank. You have given an essence of your impurity to this house and it is driving to the brink of temptation. Oh how I wish for the sexual acts you describe in those texts. I must leave now.
        I am reciting Bible verses as I scrawl on this paper. Deuteronomy 22:22 to 24 is the key to solving this mess. This most unwholesome and sinful mess of all messes. I would have thought you would remember, but then I doubt you do. It reads; "If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil." This makes so much sense to me now. It makes sense to the angel of justice that is burning through my veins.
        I will go to his house. I will take a brick and smash his window, and then enter like a shadow in the night and bash his skull in. I will stone him to death, as he deserves. Then I will return. I will return and inflict his fate upon you. Both of you must suffer for what you have done. Both of you must be purged from this earth, you sinful demons. I feel the anger abating and building simultaneously. This is God's will. You will pay for your sins, woman.
                                                From me, the man who once loved you.

Comments · 4

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  • Jamie Thomas said...

    I was inspired to write this after reading @Katie Gupwell's debut burrst, which worked really well in letter format. Mine is a lot darker and erratic, but I couldn't help but descend into this once I started typing. I hope I do her format justice, and I hope you guys enjoy it. I am open to any criticism as always :)

    • Posted 8 years ago
  • Jessica Cambrook said...

    This was good :) I'm enjoying these letters, this was the complete opposite of @Katie Gupwell's love letter, though they both have some kind of anguish. For me the repetition just got a bit too much and I found myself scanning over some parts where nothing new was being added to the story. However, you use good metaphors, and I like the religious theme running through it. You've done a good job of making the guy sound crazy, irrational and murderous with the betrayal of his wife. You always write such varied stuff I'll be waiting to see what you think of next :D

    • Posted 8 years ago
  • Ross Tarran said...

    A good example of some of the problems of following a religion too blindly!

    • Posted 8 years ago
  • Katie Gupwell said...

    It is so different to mine, but I'm glad the format helped to inspire you :) I loved this - the religious imagery, as Jessica said above, is very interesting, and the focus on it really draws you in! It's fab!

    • Posted 8 years ago