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Shirley Golden, 19 Jul '12

When Freddie said he'd found a portal to another dimension, I laughed.

        When he appeared a week later with Parallel Me, it wasn't so funny. Freddie warned us not to touch. Right away I knew I wasn't going to get along with my counterpart. He was taller and stronger and brighter than me.

        He lived on Second Earth, working on the Dimension Project. He'd been invited to contribute to time travel experiments. The only invitation I'd had of late was to a furniture shop sale.

        'First Earth is going to experience its final day very soon,' he said with an annoying shrug.
        
        'Can we stop it?'

        'No. It's inevitable.'

        He hadn't learned my economy with the truth.

        'So, we're going to die?'

        He gave me my wilting look.

        I glanced at Freddie, who was busy zipping up his jacket.

        'I mean, we're going to die soon?'

        'Well, me and Freddie are going back through the portal,' Parallel Me explained.

        'Can't I come with you?' A pleading note crept into my voice.

        'Impossible.' He turned away, his hand wave signalling the end of our discussion in a way I'd always imagined was cool. I felt sick.

        And I understood our fate; I tapped lightly on his shoulder.

        The explosion of matter meeting anti-matter was global: the final day for First Earth.

Comments · 19

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  • Shirley Golden said...

    Hi everyone, I'm Shirley, a newbie here and this is my first burst! It's a bit dark but I hope you enjoy reading it. I've read a few of the other stories and have enjoyed them - I will get around to leaving some comments but felt it would only be fair to post something myself first. I think this site is a great idea.

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Anthony Blackshaw said...

    Welcome to Burrst @Shirley Golden. Whilst your debut burst might be on the dark side (your in good company here) I found the humour in it delightful.

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Jamie Thomas said...

    I agree with Anthony, this is a very dark burst with humour in the right places. I love how you built up a very large story in a short space, which isn't east to do. But you did it well, and I look forward to reading more of what you write! :D

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Shirley Golden said...

    Thank you Anthony! I'm pleased you saw humour in it. It was intended to be tongue-in-cheek but I wasn't sure it was working. Hi Jamie and thanks for your comments too - I'm pleased you liked it :)

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Jessica Cambrook said...

    Haha! I loved Parallel Me for his unintended humour, especially "He gave me my wilting look". Interesting concept too, I really liked reading this :)

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Shirley Golden said...

    Thank you Hayley, Jessica & Liam for your comments and encouragement. I'm pleased you could all see the humour in it! I'm looking forward to reading some of your bursts :)

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Jessica Sepple said...

    This has a brilliant opening!
    I liked your characters almost immediately. This piece is so economical with it's words and it works wonderfully. There isn't anything unnecessary and that really lets us get caught up in your story. Your humor was well timed and the depth of your characters was well portrayed (The line, "The only invitation I'd had of late was to a furniture shop sale." says so much. I might be reading too far into it but it says so much about this character.)
    A fantastic first piece! I look forward to your next!

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Shirley Golden said...

    Thank you @Jessica Sepple. I'm pleased you enjoyed it, Jessica, and very happy that it worked. I always try and edit right down but in doing so, there's the danger of readers not 'getting' it. Obviously, for you, I got the balance right this time :)

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Timothy Johnson said...

    I loved this. Short, dark and humourus.

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • bill spencer said...

    I really liked this. Terrific idea well written. I'm a fan.

    • Posted 5 years ago