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Emma Cowell, 15 Jul '12

The air is growing chill, the cold scuttling on my arms, carresing my neck and crawling on my spine. The skin on my knuckles whitens as my hands squeeze the chains tighter, trying to weld bones to metal, to become stuck forever in this fury. In this loneliness. The purring goads the seat to move and the swing gently rocks as my toes scrape carelessy across the gravel.
My eyes remain fixed.
The atmosphere trys to draw me away, to steal the attention of the witness. Decoys. My short hair dances in the wind, occasionally slapping against my forehead. Leaves form dramatic whirlwinds in the eve. The trees are chattering, an enigmatic flapping sound that fills my ears. The chains creak, sharp and resonant, joining the chorus.
Purr. Scrape. Slap, flap, creak.
And my eyes remain fixed as his silhouette bleeds blood orange, blocking the sun. I know he sees me, even has the courtesy to bow his head as he turns his back and is gone.
Blind in the new light, I plant my feet in the gravel and listen as the climax in the airs cocophony ebbs into an almost silent halt. The only sound now is the lonely creak of the misused chain as it mourns its abandonment.
I mount the steps; welcomed, now, as man of the house.

Comments · 4

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  • Jennifer Jaques said...

    Very atmospheric @Emma Cowell. Your description is haunting and paints an amazing image in my head :)

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Jessica Cambrook said...

    Though I didn't really understand what was going on, your descriptions are really vivid and give the story an eerie atmosphere to make it really creepy :)

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Ross Tarran said...

    Poetic and different - I liked it.
    I took it to be about a young boy on a swing watching the sun go down, and having to go in when it gets dark?
    Not sure why he seems to be alone, but no need to explain all...

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Emma Cowell said...

    Hey, @Jessica Cambrook, @Jennifer Jaques and @Ross Tarran, thank you for your comments, they're very encouraging. The story is supposed to be about a boy watching as his father leaves him and his family (not mentioned), and of the intensity of his acute senses in this monumental moment in his life. I do agree that it wasn't written clearly enough and I will try to work on that- but I'm glad that it could invite different interpretations and thank you for taking the time to read it!,

    • Posted 7 years ago