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Anthony Blackshaw, 12 Jul '12

        Raghnall Claus stood at the head of a long rectangular table glaring at those assembled around it.

        “And then what?”
        
        He spoke the words in such an austere tone that everyone immediately stopped talking and turned to look at him. His eyes were as wild as the rest of his appearance and he glared at each of the assembly in turn to ensure he had their full attention.

        “And then what?” he asked again. “Are you suggesting that we should have helped her to assassinate him! Is that how we behave now? Well?”

        To his right a short and rather stocky woman, who in contrast to Raghnall was impeccably dressed and groomed, nervously started to speak.
        
        “Of course not Raghnall, but what are we to...”

        Before she could finish Raghnall spoke again.

        “I was not asking a question Cornelia!”

        Chided Cornelia did not respond but shrank back into her chair.

        Raghnall paused, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew he had lost his composure. When he opened them again he looked at Cornelia with a weary expression.

        “My friend, forgive me...” and then turning to the rest of the assembly “...let us not lose our heads, all is not lost there is hope that we might find her yet, and before they do.”

Comments · 5

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  • Anthony Blackshaw said...

    I wanted to try my hand at using mostly dialog to tell the story - @Jamie Thomas does an excellent job of this in his most recent burst http://burrst.com/bursts/67/. Feel free to let me know if it did or didn't work for you.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Jamie Thomas said...

    Thanks very much @Anthony Blackshaw, I feel honoured. I really liked this, very concise, leaving us with so much mystery but a really good feel for the characters and situation! I really loved the mystery and tension, and the possibilities. It also reminded me a bit of the tension in secret govt. meetings during the French Revolution, which is a great feel for any type of story to have. This was great, well done!

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Jessica Cambrook said...

    I think burrst is a great place to try new things and experiment. In my mind I could hear how the characters were talking, I gave them voices and as a result personalities and faces. I pictured what was going on from mainly what they were saying without realising. If you can manage good characterisation in just 209 words, I think that shows talent :)

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Anthony Blackshaw said...

    @Jamie Thomas no problem and thanks :)

    @Jessica Cambrook that was what I was going for so that's good! I need to experiment more with dialog. I have trouble sometimes creating conversations that don't seem stilted or too convenient. One of the reasons I decided to make it an audio burst was to force myself to act out the dialog, that way I could listen as a third party to see if what was in my head came across or not.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Rebecca Lambert said...

    I really loved the ending! You can always tell a good peice of writing when it makes you ask questions about the story and characters x

    • Posted 7 years ago