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Charlotte Williams, 08 Sep '13

I lay awake for a long time at night; sometimes just as the sky is darkening and sometimes when it is beginning to lighten again - there is no inbetween. I lay awake because my mind is a hectic, torturous, busy place and there is no quiet for me, no matter how desperately I seek it. It's full of insane voices and horrifying thoughts and constant nightmares that follow me daytime and night time - maybe this is why I avoid people as often as I do, but when I'm with you, there is quiet in my mind and for the first time in my life I am restful and at peace, with you in my arms. I don't know why but from the second our eyes caught from across the room I was complete.

I remember every shard of our first conversation. The sharp, careful back and forth banter, the playful mischievousness in your eyes, the way you kept tucking your tangled dark hair behind your ear because something I would later learn is that this is what you do when you're nervous. My eyes kept flickering to your lips and when you noticed, you blushed and chewed them as they evolved into your sexy little smirk. We spent the night back at your place that night and all of the next day.

I love you so fucking much. A raw, invincible, everlasting kind of love that I can't put into words and do the feeling justice because this is bigger than anything I've ever known. I love your every obscure detail, every flaw, every trait, I love you so unconditionally I would do anything if you asked me to and that fucking terrifies me but I've never been so exhilarated. I want you - every part of you. I want you every morning; I want to be the first thing you see when you open you're bleary eyes and draw yourself to reality. I want you on your good days where every little thing sets your face alight with contentedness. I want you on your very worst days where I get caught out never doing quite enough, dancing on eggshells trying to keep you happy. I want you when you don't want me; when you're sad and angry and frustrated because I'm not perfect and I never will be. Most importantly, I want you to lay with me every night and when I can't sleep, I want to listen to the way you breathe because then I am listening to my heart beat in perfect synchronization with every function of yours. I want to wonder if it's me that haunts your dreams and slays all your demons. I want you always.

Comments · 2

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  • Charlotte Williams said...

    So I wrote this really quickly so it's far from perfect, I know that

    • Posted 6 years ago
  • Ross Tarran said...

    Can tell it was written quickly (dense paragraphs and a rare typo) but that almost certainly helped to give it the strength of feeling very honest and real.

    • Posted 6 years ago