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Emma Cowell, 26 Mar '13

Looking through the veil.

Loneliness is like a veil. It shrouds your view, undulating in constant waves of anguish; at the crests is the pure, profound pain of every person in need of a friend. A veil in form, dividing reality and mentality, and a veil in purpose as it hides reason and choice from all those to whom companionship is denied.

“Loneliness”- to give it a name is to imply that it is only one emotion. And to imply thus would be a crime to every lonesome soul; because loneliness is not just the feeling of being alone.

It is the fear of never, never, existing in the conscious mind of another human being.

It is the knowledge that you could try and cease the pain, but being bound by what you feel- so tight that you cannot escape.

It is being alone in your mind, not just in your body. Even in a crowded hall you feel as if you’re in an empty room; with no doors, no windows, just light.

Grey. Empty.

This prison, this inexorable grey box, surrounds you with nothing but profound memories of every experience that has led to this sentence. All those sorrowful taunts aimed at you are branded on your eyelids, the memory of rejection is what blankets you when you rest and the prospect of no escape is what whispers to you in your melancholy.

Here you are, imprisoned within yourself, wanting nothing more than to be understood, to be humored, liked... Loved? And yet, when the opportunity to escape arrives, in the shape of a friendly face and a congenial hand, do you have the power to take it?

Is it within your power to take it? Or is the sad truth about that multi-dimensional emotion we call “loneliness” that it is an affliction given at birth, a burden you carry throughout life. Is it more than an emotion? Is it a trait, a mental habit, a genetic malfunction? Is it cruelly ingrained in the makeup of your being?

It seems so. What’s funny about loneliness is that it is unconnected to solitude. And that’s what makes it so difficult to understand. You can be with people, connect with people, yet you know that it doesn't help. You still feel the same, because you still are the same.

Loneliness is you.

Loneliness is a lot of us. Some are better at hiding it, but we are there; we walk amongst the untainted, but we are completely detached because some divine decision made us what we are.

Look for us, find us.
You cannot save us; but a distraction never hurt.

Comments · 1

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  • Charlotte Williams said...

    I can't even describe how brilliant this is. What is really great about your writing is that not only do you write beautifully, what you write is so profound and honest. You've described such an escapable emotion that plagues everyone so eloquently. I loved it; it really hits home.

    • Posted 6 years ago