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kassandra lee, 26 Nov '12

John Doe Visions

Beep, beep. Hospital machines and a dull electric current provide the soundtrack.

He sits on the edge of his hospital bed. The blinking hallogens seem to make the room an extremely bright shade of white. His window, blinds open expose the grand sets of waves coming in from the coast surely within walking distance. He rubs the soles of his feet on top of the other foot feeling the coarseness of his skin damaged from riding boards since he was a child. He remembers catching his first wave seeing it as a grainy old fashioned film. The memory is real, right?

It looks too good outside, the sun beginning to set. He's had enough of this white room and gets up to leave. Standing at an intetsection, barefoot and in white hospital pajamas, he catches a glimpse of a familiar shade of long blonde hair. He's compelled to catch her, turn her around and see eyes, green? No. Blue as the favourite ocean he loved to surf in.

He walks into the pub he's sure she walked into. No one pays any attention to this strange man with the worn, lost, yet determined face scanning the crowd gathered in front of the stage where some band is playing. Like a flash he notices the hair, a familiar black floral dress as she exits out the door. How did she get passed him?

The sun is well on its way down. Falling over the city he's walking away from. The sky ahead towards the sea is shades of purple and blue, a few stars loosely scattered above. There she is.

"Hey" he tries to yell. Damn it what's her name? He catches the side of her face though it somehow looks distorted. He shakes his head, she's gone again. Into a cafe he walks in, the room though looks to be filled with people looking remarkably like those at the pub. The guys that were in the band even scattered amongst the crowd in various stages of play. An eerie feeling washes over him like the after effects of a wipeout. He backs out carefully as all the noise stops and the faces turn to look at him.

He needs to get to what he knows and starts running towards the sea. Dusk and the romantic lights of a seaside town illuminate his way. Standing finally at the wall seperating him from the sand, he sees her in dusks glow of blue step out of her dress standing now in a black bikini beside a board dug into the sand. She doesnt look at him, rather grabs her board and heads into the surf. He takes in the sight of her with appreciative awe.

Running onto the sand, taking off the hospital shirt, he runs to the spot she stood, picking up the discarded dress to assure himself it's real. He can just see her ducking under the waves going further. He looks around for inspiration, a group gathering around a fresh bonfire are close by. With them a longboard so similar to the one he learnt to ride on many years ago. He's too busy to notice the familiar faces, his thoughts only on her. He runs into the surf, she's gone out so far.

"HEY!" Her name still escapes him. He tries to paddle out to her, though the waves are bigger than the darker sky is letting on. Where the fuck is she? He sits up and straddles the board looking behind him as the bonfire party seems to be in full swing. Of course he can see her there, dancing, happy. Isn't that the band? Those people he's not sure if he knows or not. He sees her finally notice him.

Without thinking he hears a wave approaching more than he can see. He turns the board around, not taking the chance of her slipping away again. He however underestimates the size and force of the wave. Standing, racing towards her, the wave crashes with a heady force pulling him under. The board snaps and the part still attached to his ankle gets jagged in the reef below. His stomach wretches as it fills with the salty water. Above his head the crashing of wave upon wave forcing him down with the oceans strongest arm. His life with her flashes before his eyes as his body relaxes exhaling his last breath.

"Lucy" his voice hoarse. A warm hand touches his as soft lips kiss his own. He opens his eyes to a dimly lit hospital room. She's here, his wife.
"I'm here, babe I told them I wouldn't leave you" This angel Lucy whispers as she kisses his bandaged head. He however feels not in anyway at ease. The men in orderly and doctors uniforms standing in the room with them, look remarkably like the band.

Comments · 5

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  • kassandra lee said...

    My favourite Australian band right now is one called 'Battleships' you can check my tweets to see how much I've been hounding them of late.

    I had the opportunity to see them play live a couple of nights ago, and being stuck with their amazing sounds in my head was inspired by their song 'Coming back to you' when writing this burrst. My first so please be gentle, and thank you for reading.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Mary Beth W. said...

    Welcome to Burrst! I loved this -- especially the part where he wakes up and notices that the doctors look like the band..Well done :)

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Ross Tarran said...

    Spotted a few little spelling/punctuation mistakes, but they don't really detract from the story.

    I liked this; it's a very good representation of a dream-like state, including the hazy visions, strange inconsistencies and jarring jumps in situation that can occur. Quite a romantic story, but without a classic 'happy ending' - could imagine this working well as a short film of about ten or fifteen minutes.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • kassandra lee said...

    Hi Ross. I noticed the errors too after I posted. Im writing my burrsts on my phone to help enable me to write more in the moment. Occasionally though auto text and other gremlins cause a stuff up or two. It was really encouraging to read my errors didn't derail the story too much. Im aware I will one day need a really good editor, but its great to read you saw the story alot like I did.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Ross Tarran said...

    Hi @kassandra lee, welcome to Burrst by the way! Yeah don't worry about the errors, like I say they didn't really distract from the story and if you were writing on a phone they're more than understandable. Sure I couldn't write 800 words on a phone without going slightly crazy. Keep up the good work!

    • Posted 7 years ago