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Audrey Semprun, 26 Nov '12


Do I really want to share; I mean really. Whose tears are going to fall? Mine? I'm not sure that I can make it through this. He was my buddy; my friend. Didn't he stand sentry over me? And protected me? Yes, he did, faithfully for more years than I realized.

Rufus went to meet his Maker. He got really sick and we couldn't help him. I knew. When he couldn't stand up, I knew. His mouth was frothy. I knew. He had to go to the vet. I didn't go, because I knew. Was I a coward? Yes, I was; because I knew.

I knew that they couldn't help him. Rufus knew too. I could see it in his eyes. The moment that I knew that he was in trouble I placed myself at his side. I sat with him and told him how much he meant to me; told him good bye. I couldn't bear to leave him, but I was obligated to collect my daughter from school. There was no one to sit with him. I called my sister. She came and took my place; sitting sentry at his side, and stayed even after I returned.

I cried myself to sleep.

Throughout the next day I cried at every remembrance. I cried because I loved him. I cried because I missed him. I cried because I would never see him again. I cried because I knew that what really would bother Rufus wasn't that he had to go; but that he couldn't protect us any more. He had dedicated his life to us; had watched over us in all of the seasons of his life.

Rufus died on Thursday.

On Saturday night as I stood on my deck and considered the darkness of the night and the void that I felt knowing that any wild or dangerous thing could be out there, I gazed up into the sky. The night was steeped in darkness, but the sky was clear. To my amazement I saw one cloud in the sky, and it was massive. It was white and textured like a blanket would be. It held the form of a dog lying on his tummy with his head up; back straight; and his front legs forward. Stars twinkled all around, but there wasn't another cloud in the sky. I watched and I thought of Rufus. I questioned what I saw. The cloud began to dissipate and I went inside; hiding what I saw in my heart: Feeling a bit guilty for the doubt.

Went to church the next morning: Don't know what all the Pastor said, but remember very clearly when he stated that sometimes the Lord will tell us something or show us something and we wonder if it was really Him; if we should really believe. He went on to tell us that if we went ahead and believed God that he (the Pastor) was sure that God wouldn't hold it against us. I settled it in my heart right then to go ahead and believe. And so I shared with my husband and with my daughter what I had seen in the night; in the clouds.

I again stood on my landing on Sunday afternoon; contemplating what I had seen the night before. The sky was blue as blue could be and it was splattered with clouds; they were everywhere: Everywhere that is, except for a large patch of blue sky - right where the blanket cloud had been the night before. I went inside to share with my daughter. I brought her back outside with me. "Right there," I told her. "Right where there are no clouds."

Sometimes a spirit will hover, before it leaves for good. Sometimes its just to say, "I'll never leave you." Rufus has joined a great cloud of witnesses, and will one day be coming with the Lord. And the Lord says, "Blessed is she that believes, for it shall be given unto her, even as she believes." My faith. My promise. Rest in Paradise, my friend.

Comments · 2

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  • Mary Beth W. said...

    Made me tear up. Beautifully written. I don't have anymore words to express how I loved this. :)

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Audrey Semprun said...

    Thank you @Mary Beth W.. I appreciate your kind words.

    • Posted 7 years ago