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Metta H, 18 Oct '12

The Serial Pest

When she saw the car pull up below her attic flat, she dreaded what would happen next. As usual, he started honking on the horn, expecting her to always be home when he called and come running out to meet him with open arms. Perhaps he would go away if she ignored him.

Just then, she heard heavy running footsteps on the stairs. Someone was on the landing outside her door, then there was the pounding of a fist on the door. She sat deadly silent on the edge of her secondhand sofa and waited. Had he found the back entrance to the building even though it was well hidden from the street?

She sighed with great relief when she heard Sara's voice. "Hey Meg, let me in, it's Sara."

Meg sprang from her sofa and wrenched the door open and Sara practically flew through the door.

"It's that pest again itsn't it. He's out there waiting for you to come out and he won't go away."
Meg nodded.

"I'll get rid of him." Sara marched across the sitting room and threw open the large bay windows, leaned her head out as far as she could and shouted, "Hey Thickhead. She doesn't want to see you any more so piss off and don't come back."

Meg rocked back and forth on the settee laughing with tears in her eyes until she had to wrap her arms around her middle to suppress a stitch from too much laughter.

Sara quickly shut the window and hurried back to Meg's side. "What are you going to do about him?"

Greg continued to honk his horn while Meg shook her head. "How did you meet him?"

Comments · 3

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  • Ross Tarran said...

    Metta would like to ask everyone on Burrst:

    Do I need to use details of time or place?
    Do I need to use description of characters and place?
    Do I need to explain why she only used the back entrance and why he didn't come to a front entrance; there was no front entrance for a reason in the building I based this story beginning on?
    How could Meg deal with this serial pest?
    Where might Meg have met this serial pest?

    Metta - we edited this burst to move your questions to this comments section, as the area above is intended to be only for the burst itself. Requests and discussion are always better added in the comments, after you've submitted a burst.

    It's also unnecessary to add your name to bursts/comments, as the website will always show your name for you!

    Welcome to Burrst, I hope you find the sort of constructive criticism you're looking for. This burst certainly makes me want to find out more about the situation; Greg appears quite threatening even from the brief description of his behaviour.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Cheryl Mackey said...

    I am curious as to the backstory xD Why is he a pest? Descriptions of time, place, and characters would be helpful, but they can also be woven in later on.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Metta H said...

    Thank you everyone who has written comments for my story beginning so far. I will give each comment a lot of thought. I do need everyone's suggestions in regard to the five questions I have asked.

    • Posted 7 years ago