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Tom Hogarth, 25 Jun '12

        Susannah stumbled over a particularly large piece of broken stone and would have fallen flat on her face if she hadn't collided into the nearest wall. She span away from the curved wall of the tunnel and continued running, doing her best to ignore the grating sound from her shoulder and the jolting pain in her arm.
        She cranked the pace up, remembering the blood on her boyfriend's face as he staggered out of the darkness, what had to have been only minutes ago. Then the endless running and falling: these dank tunnels seemed to continue on infinitely into the darkness. If she hadn't been scared out of her mind, and bleeding in several places, Susannah would have likely translated the situation into some pretentious metaphor about life and death.
        Judging from her frequent collisions with walls and rocky outcrops, the tunnel was curving and turning occasionally. Susannah thought she was going in the same direction as when she started, but she'd heard that when you were lost and thought you were going in a straight line, you could often find yourself travelling in circles. She wasn't sure if that applied to tunnels as well as woods and mountains. Either way, Susannah would give anything to be lost in the woods rather than this damp and dangerous tunnel: one unfortunately placed outcrop of rock combined with some equally unfortunate timing and she would be a goner.
        Connor had gotten ahead of her any number of minutes ago but she hadn't heard or seen him in a while. He had to be up here somewhere, and all she had to do was catch up with him and they could figure a way out together. She assumed he would be close: with a head injury and twelve years of smoking under his belt, he couldn't be that quick.
        Susannah was experiencing hope for the first time during this endless run when her bad shoulder connected with a sharp corner in the tunnel and, wheeling around to regain her balance, her foot slipped into a crack in the floor. She heard the snap her ankle made but barely registered the pain, too busy cursing as she collided with the floor and slid over an edge into darkness.
        It took about two and a half seconds for Susannah to hit the bottom of the hole and for her neck to break and her body to contort into a shattered mess. She wasn't counting down, she only had time for two things in the couple of seconds before her death.
        The first was to scream and the second was to recognise one other sound amid her screaming. Something far above her, in the tunnel at the edge of the pit, was laughing.

Comments · 15

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  • Jessica Sepple said...

    I desperately want to know what it is that caused all of this! I love where you started it. The laughter really spooked me and gave me some great creepy imagery. Only thing I would suggest is using spun instead of span in the first paragraph. It's a very archaic term.
    Thank you for the brilliant piece!

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Charlotte Buchanan said...

    Hi, Tom, good work! This really engaged me. I liked the way you kept the reader guessing about what was behind the story. I suppose the reader can insert his or her own beginning...a collaborative project, if you like. Or maybe not. Anyway, thanks for a good read of a well-written piece.

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Angela Watt said...

    Sinister and compelling. Really enjoyed this Tom. Would like to read more of your work.

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Rebecca Lambert said...

    Well written! Leaves you wanting to find out more x

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Metta H said...

    I'd love to know who was laughing, who pushed her down the hole and why?

    • Posted 10 years ago