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Tom Hogarth, 25 Jun '12

        Susannah stumbled over a particularly large piece of broken stone and would have fallen flat on her face if she hadn't collided into the nearest wall. She span away from the curved wall of the tunnel and continued running, doing her best to ignore the grating sound from her shoulder and the jolting pain in her arm.
        She cranked the pace up, remembering the blood on her boyfriend's face as he staggered out of the darkness, what had to have been only minutes ago. Then the endless running and falling: these dank tunnels seemed to continue on infinitely into the darkness. If she hadn't been scared out of her mind, and bleeding in several places, Susannah would have likely translated the situation into some pretentious metaphor about life and death.
        Judging from her frequent collisions with walls and rocky outcrops, the tunnel was curving and turning occasionally. Susannah thought she was going in the same direction as when she started, but she'd heard that when you were lost and thought you were going in a straight line, you could often find yourself travelling in circles. She wasn't sure if that applied to tunnels as well as woods and mountains. Either way, Susannah would give anything to be lost in the woods rather than this damp and dangerous tunnel: one unfortunately placed outcrop of rock combined with some equally unfortunate timing and she would be a goner.
        Connor had gotten ahead of her any number of minutes ago but she hadn't heard or seen him in a while. He had to be up here somewhere, and all she had to do was catch up with him and they could figure a way out together. She assumed he would be close: with a head injury and twelve years of smoking under his belt, he couldn't be that quick.
        Susannah was experiencing hope for the first time during this endless run when her bad shoulder connected with a sharp corner in the tunnel and, wheeling around to regain her balance, her foot slipped into a crack in the floor. She heard the snap her ankle made but barely registered the pain, too busy cursing as she collided with the floor and slid over an edge into darkness.
        It took about two and a half seconds for Susannah to hit the bottom of the hole and for her neck to break and her body to contort into a shattered mess. She wasn't counting down, she only had time for two things in the couple of seconds before her death.
        The first was to scream and the second was to recognise one other sound amid her screaming. Something far above her, in the tunnel at the edge of the pit, was laughing.

Comments · 15

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  • Tom Hogarth said...

    In an attempt to bolster my writing here, and actually make use of the feature, I may do audio recordings of my Burrsts (so look out for that). I assume they can be added after posting? Hope you like this little story.

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Anthony Blackshaw said...

    @Tom Hogarth I really enjoyed your burst (and wanted to read more).

    You can add audio to your bursts at anytime, your burst will also then feature first in the audio listing (until somebody else uploads another audio burst). That way if you add audio to your burst a month or even a year later it will still get highlighted to everyone.

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Hugo Müller-Downing said...

    Wow! This kept me hooked all the way through and the ending was very sudden! I'll be looking forward to more of this, thanks!

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Ross Tarran said...

    I expect most writers on here also enjoy films/movies. I could easily imagine several bursts on screen, this one the most easily at the moment. The fact that you wrote 'something' rather than 'someone' in the final sentence definately adds an unexpected 'supernatural/horror' flavour! I love a good horror film.

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Matt Nelson said...


    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Deb Howell said...

    Yes, this one is full of drama and clear imagery. It really does play out like a movie scene. Nice work.

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Oedipa Maas said...

    Something at the edge of the pit...I was thinking someone, but the something part made me wonder if it doesn't lend itself to a monster rather than a human.....

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Jessica Cambrook said...

    Mysterious... Some bursts I wish were longer, this was one of them. The ankle snapping part made my stomach lurch at the thought. Good story!

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Jamie Thomas said...

    Wow, this was an amazing read. So intense and well thought out, and what a great ending! I really really enjoyed it.

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Rosalind Smith-Nazilli said...

    This is most definitely one that could be made into something much bigger. Awesome use of words..x

    • Posted 10 years ago