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Audrey Semprun, 13 Oct '12

First Love

I'll never forget the tiny little blue card with the robin's egg. I'm not even sure why I believe that it's a robin's egg, but surely it is.

It reminds me of a song that I heard, long before I was born, I'm sure, about a bird. It was a sad song. It went something like, "I know it can't, it can't be a robin, for my love is not back yet..."

Could be the wrong song, but it was the right tune, that's for sure.

I was young. We were young. Young, and in love.

"Promise you'll never leave me?"

"Where would I ever go?" I replied with the light of the sun in my eyes: The sun that beat down on my bronzed shoulders. The same sun that highlighted my blonde hair and left me golden brown.

"I couldn't live without you." He promised.

He could promise me the moon. I believed him.

And so I went away. Not so far away, but far enough. He didn't write. He didn't call.

It wasn't my choice to go. I cried when I told him that I would return. I don't remember if he told me that he would wait. I just know that my life was never going to be the same.

It wasn't right to let him hold me like he did. It wasn't right to be folded into his arms. I didn't care. I trusted him for all of my tomorrows. I trusted him with my innocence and my virginity. I trusted him completely.

Time passed. Another came along. His weren't the same kind eyes. His weren't the same promises. He only offered me today. I settled.

I picked up the phone. "Go ahead", my cousin urged me on. "Call him."

"I'm getting married."

The conversation was brief. He didn't have much to say. I hung up, feeling empty. Why had I called? Why hadn't he called?

"I can't marry you." I stated meekly. "He still cares about me. Said that he cried."

Well, that didn't go over well. Later, years later, I calmly instructed my daughters, that I had with the other, never bearing a child with my first love, "Never stay because he cries."

The little blue card. I lost it somewhere between "I still love you," and "I do."