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Angela Watt, 11 Sep '12

It was the 25th of November. I chose that day as it was her birthday. Somehow it seemed fitting. And being a practical man, it gave me more than enough time to tie up any loose ends. I'm a bit like that. I live in a structured world where I like things to operate in a certain way.

She'd sometimes smile and call me "OCD guy" in moments when my structures and patterns became a bit too much for her. She'd grab my hand and say "do you really need to do that right now?" as I organised all the spoons in the drawer to face East. She'd pull me away from my unfinished business and kiss me like she meant it or sway and dance to a tune on the radio encouraging me to place my hands on her shoulders and move in alignment with her. Maybe that's why I loved her so - she freed me from the constraints that I felt existed, the constraints that I imposed upon myself.

And then one day as suddenly as she had arrived, she was gone. It was her heart, her mother said when she telephoned to let me know.

"Did she not tell you? She was already living on borrowed time. What about the appointments? Oh really, she never told you about those. I'm so sorry," she said. "She always was an optimist, she always thought there'd be another day."

And instead of seeing the raspberry lipstick smile she reserved for me and the laughing hazel eyes or the swirl of her new red coat, that she'd eagerly modelled for me, I was left only with blue. Dark, oppressive, heavy blue. A blue that made my head ache and made me check the car door was locked over and over and over again. As I washed my hands - once, twice, nineteen times, forty-two times, blue numbers clicked through my mind like the display at the cheese counter in Sainsburys until eventually even I lost count. All other colour was gone - there was only blue. On odd occasions there would be flashes of brillant azure which almost blinded me after the burdensome stifling blue that I'd become familiar with. In the azure, I would catch glimpses of her - the pale almost translucent skin on the inside of her wrist, the turn of her shoulder, gaily painted toenails on her feet shoved into strappy summer sandals. I reached out for her in the azure, but she was always just out of reach, her laughter an echo, her hand never close enough to grasp.

And so today, her birthday I have decided to meet her in the blue. I feel sure that's where she'll be waiting for me. There's no-one around - any summer tourists that might have ventured here are long gone. I don't mess around. I stride into the waves - into the blue. The cold takes my breath away but I don't care - my only purpose today is to meet her there, to be with her again. I push myself further out and eventually the sand disappears from beneath my feet and I am dangling, free-form in the blue. I realise its power - it has me now and doesn't want to let go. I disappear beneath the waves and open my eyes. It's ok, it's safe here. Here there is nothing to check and nothing to count and there is no structure. But there are patterns. Beautiful, bewildering, dizziness inducing patterns. I see them all around me - exquisite, overwhelming patterns in blue. The swirls and curves spiral around me. They fill me and carry me into the vortex.

Comments · 6

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  • Angela Watt said...

    Untold Tales Entry. Hi, here's my entry for the competition. It sometimes feels like I am incapable of writing anything happy. I think I should definitely give that a go next time round. As always I'd love to hear your comments. I'm not sure if I've overdone it with the blue theme so perhaps you could let me know.

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Jessica Cambrook said...

    It's dark but you've written it beautifully, especially the last paragraph. When the character starts seeing all blue I don't think you overdid it, for me it worked well with his OCD. Her whimsical attitude was explained and made realistic by her heart condition. Also, the "I organised all the spoons in the drawer to face East" line made me chuckle. I really liked this :)

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Angela Watt said...

    Thanks @Jessica Cambrook. Your comments mean a lot to me and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Ross Tarran said...

    This was well written; as good as any of the Untold Tales entries I've read so far. It is quite dark but tempered by the love that existed/exists between the main characters, which leads you to feel that there could be a happy ending in the afterlife, if the two can meet again!

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Angela Watt said...

    Thanks for your comments @Ross Tarran. I appreciate you taking the time to let me know your thoughts. Yes hopefully there will be a happy ending in the afterlife, provided I'm not writing the outcome :-) I could put my happy hat on I guess and write something cheerful. Funnily enough in general life, I'm actually quite upbeat!

    • Posted 5 years ago
  • Ross Tarran said...

    Probably best to leave this story here then? ;-) Glad to hear that your writing isn't a reflection of your life!

    • Posted 5 years ago