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Trevor Jones, 17 Aug '12

Blood everywhere.
Cascading down the walls in a crimson arc, hanging from the ceiling in globs. Gory stalactites dripping on my face, sticky, warm, comforting.
Blood coated hands, the long knife still clutched tightly.
The puddle on the floor oozes from the partially severed head like lava from an angry volcano.
I survey it all, savoring the warm glow of achievement and revenge.
My blood, unlike his, hummms with life.
It feels good, very, very good.
At least it would if I’d had the courage to grab that road hog and drag him out.
Twice he cut in. Twice.
At the roundabout and then at the lights. No acknowledgment, not even a flick of an indicator.
If he does it again tomorrow I swear I’ll slaughter him right there.
Or I could take the other route to town.

Comments · 11

Page 1 of 2

  • Trevor Jones said...

    First attempt at FlashFiction. Hope it works.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Jamie Thomas said...

    I loved this, it was ver different to a lot of the burrsts on here, but it seemed to work just as well. I like the idea of the overly dramatic and fantastical gory scene being just an aspect of his imagination, and then the last line ended the burrst very well. Well done, I look forward to reading what else you write :)

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Anthony Blackshaw said...

    Welcome to Burrst Trevor :) Great debut.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Charlotte Williams said...

    I really liked this, I liked how nonchalant the last sentence was, how casual the character is about his options: murdering a guy or taking another route

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Trevor Jones said...

    Thanks Guys for reading it and taking the trouble to comment. Great to hear you enjoyed it and I'll try to keep you entertained.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Rachel Anderson said...

    "Or I could take the other route into town" -- that made me chuckle. It felt like listening to a hot head suddenly strike a vein of reason.

    Realizing that you were talking about road rage (you were, right?) makes this seem even more ... I don't want to say "comical" in case that's not what you were aiming for ... but it certainly lightens to mood. In the first few lines the scene that was playing out in my head was taking place in a C.O.D war zone, lol.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Trevor Jones said...

    Yes, I think we all have moments of road rage and want to act like some kind of super hero - but most realise it's never going to happen and look for a more realistic solution. Glad you liked it.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Sue Oldham said...

    I like this lots! It conveys the sheer, raw anger that is road rage, the very human compulsion to conjur up all kinds of horrors perpetrated in pure anger, the imaginings of revenge in its worst form, and then is (usually typically) tempered with reasoning - next time I'll kil him, or just go the other way. This is a short piece of writing that tells a lot more about the human condition than its brevity would suggest. Succinct and clever. I very much enjoyed and look forward to more.

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Trevor Jones said...

    Thanks Sue, really nice comments. Think I'll have to try a change of style next time. Can't compete with all this blood!!!

    • Posted 7 years ago
  • Nick Johns said...

    Nice work Trevor! All the elements of a longer story in under 150. Any thoughts about a snappy title to set it off?

    • Posted 7 years ago