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Jessica Cambrook, 02 Aug '12

It is ugly. Horrific. Worse than anything I've seen in horror films or in graphic horror comics. I was just walking home from my boyfr... ex-boyfriend's house. He decided we were 'too close' and that 'we needed some space' because I'd 'changed beyond recognition'. I hadn't realised that 'too close' was even possible in a relationship.

The dark streets conceal my angry tears, and the more I think about him, the more furious I get. Who is he to decide when our relationship is over? I was happy, didn't my opinion count? That's the thing about people, you can't trust them.

That's when I stumble on... it.

Just a street away from my house, I hear its muffled screams. Normally, in a city as foul as mine where shouts and house alarms are a signal to walk the other way, I would ignore it. In my wretched mood, I want to see something even worse off than myself, and with morbid, gleeful curiosity I follow the noise.

It is shrouded in a thin, rubbery blanket. As if it senses that I am near, its cries quieten. I peel back the strange material covering it, and recoil, throwing the red blanket away in shock.

It vaguely resembles a foetus, standing no taller than my knee with a painfully curved back and a head that seems too large for its body. The bulging eyes hold no colour, only a cloudy whiteness. The skin is rotting, a sickly grey colour with open sores leaking pus and blood. It turns to me, snarling viciously and revealing shark-like teeth and a black tongue.

"It's okay." I say. It blinks a few times, and drags its feet towards me. I know it understands. Walking doesn't seem natural for it, but it manages to. I am frozen in debilitating terror. It reaches for me with two hands of four knobbly fingers, each with a deadly claw. Like a mother to a child, I reach down and pick it up beneath the armpits, hearing the squelch of my hands pressing against its unhealed wounds. I prop it on my hip, feeling light-headed and spaced out. Nothing makes sense.

I move without knowing how towards my house. The door is unlocked but my parents are out at a friend's birthday party. In a daze, I crawl upstairs with one hand, the other locked firmly around the creature. It must survive.

I stand in the middle of a room with a bed in it that is vaguely familiar. Where the hell am I? Everything is in a blurry haze of red. Am I in a dream? I hear the door slam and my eyes widen. The creature stiffens, holding tighter against me and hissing dangerously.

Everything makes sense.

They don't hear me creep back downstairs. The creature crawls up my back, and grips onto my neck cutting little crescents into my skin and sending shivers down my spine. I go into the kitchen where the lights are viciously bright. My sight comprehends nothing but white and shadows. The creature reaches up and curls its hands around my eyes. A silent scream. White to black.

I wake up in a world of blood. My parents. My hands. The creature has gone. I fall to my knees.

Comments · 14

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  • Jessica Cambrook said...

    The monster is a metaphor and the idea for this came to me while waiting in queue in the Post Office the other day...

    I don't really know if this is adult content? D: I hope to hear your feedback :)

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Jamie Thomas said...

    I really like this Jess, you did a good job. At first it seemed a bit generic and the narrator was just normal to me, but then when the monster was unveiled the story really got good. You described the monster perfectly and the story itself was very interesting. Good twist ending too! :)

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Daniel Williams said...

    I really liked this. The 'normal' start of the story worked really well with later darkness of the piece. I think all monsters mean something, even if it is only at a subconscious level, so to take the monster and make it consciously mean something more is very well played. This is a strong piece of work.

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Deb Howell said...

    The opening provoked immeditate sympathy for the narrator (stupid boys :oP). The present tense writing is a little unusual - it reads like talking about a memory (past tense), so .. yeah. I'm trying to decide if I like that style or not.
    The way the narrator doesn't know what's going on when she picks the monster up fires up some questions - does the monster use mind control? for instance ... But then you said the monster is a metaphor, and I'm a bit dense when it comes to metaphors!
    The ending is sufficiently horrible to satisfy the question asked at the beginning - "what is so ugly, so horrible?" - The monster and the outcome certainly are!

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Ross Tarran said...

    That's some nasty ****! ;)

    Intriguing story, although when you write 'Everything makes sense' it certainly doesn't for me! Was trying to work out what the monster was meant to represent - whether it was an amateur abortion or a suicide attempt by the narrator, though I really don't know - can you tell us what you thought?

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Angela Watt said...

    Dark and strong story that has left me feeling mildly distressed and uncomfortable. Good that you are able to provoke that type of reaction. Think I'll have a cup of tea now to distil the image.

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Jessica Cambrook said...

    wow thanks to all that commented :D @Jamie Thomas I considered taking out the ex-boyfriend parts, but they're there to show her anger is there from the beginning so she's easier to manipulate for the creature. @Daniel Williams I agree about monsters all meaning something, it's good to be able to have our own interpretations. @Deb Howell I agree about the tense swapping thing and I've changed the second paragraph so it hopefully flows better now. I'm glad! I was hoping to humanise her with the ex-boyfriend thing, to differentiate between her and the kind of soulless monster. @Ross Tarran It all makes sense because nothing makes sense, and that definitely doesn't make sense. It just means she's become one with the monster, that they're on the same wavelength and she understands the monster's intentions with what it wants her to do. The monster, in my head, was more a metaphor for like bad emotions and possibly a split personality, like her darker side that takes over, that's why the creature's all black and grey. @Angela Watt i don't know whether to apologise or be glad?! Nothing a good cup of tea can't solve :D

    Thanks again guys!!

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • bill spencer said...

    I like it. It builds well and gets really scary when she takes the thing upstairs. It's like one of those horror movies where the teenagers are in the abandoned house the nice girl says golly, don't you think we should look in the basement? and everyone in the theater shouts No! Don't go in the basement! I was saying Don't take the thing upstairs! and then I was saying OMG you let the thing get on your back!

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Jessica Cambrook said...

    Haha! @bill spencer your comment really made me chuckle! I hate those films. Can it be allowed because it wasn't literal? :D

    • Posted 10 years ago
  • Jessica Cambrook said...

    Thanks for the kind feedback @Liam Volk :) That means a lot coming from someone with stories like yours :D

    • Posted 10 years ago